New Digs and a bit of the AFK for me (JJ)

So first off, how do you like the new digs? I've been working on it for awhile. I'm still working on other aspects of it (setting up pretty sites for my other two blogs that I'm working on, Big Butt Blogging and the soon to come Java Junkie Unfiltered, actually posting "about" posts, etc.) but I wanted to get this up before I leave town.

Why am I leaving town you might ask? Well a few weeks ago my Dad's PET scan showed what they thought were 3 very small masses in his left lung. Turns out it's one 14mm mass and Thursday they're taking it out. They're not sure if it's benign or malignant but it's probably the later because he's a 5 year survivor of stage 4 lymphatic cancer. He's also a musician and although he's never smoked a cigarette he's played in smokey bars 5 nights a week most of it. All of this sort of explains why I've been a bit anti-social lately.

A few nights ago I wanted to comfort myself so I looked up lung tumor statistics and I was slapped in the face with "never ask a question you don't want the answer to." I found that there's only a 1 - 2% chance that it's benign and even though it was caught early only 10% of lung cancer patients live past 5 years no matter when it's caught. Since then I've been doing a LOT of crying. And praying. And begging. And allowing Blues Clues and Jack's Big Music Show and the like to hypnotize my youngest into a state that allows me to hold him for more than 3 minutes at a time while I kiss his soft pink cheeks and neck and breathe in his wonderful scent just to keep myself grounded in some sort of reality that doesn't hurt.

I hope I got it all out of my system. I hope come Thursday I'm the person my family is expecting me to be. The strong one who takes care of those in my family that are hospitalized. The one that goes head to head with doctors to make sure the "best possible" route has been examined, all other routes have been equally examined and that it is, indeed, the best possible route. The one that makes all the phone calls, all the arrangements, and makes sure you eat what you're suppose to whether you like it or not, drink what you're suppose to whether you want to or not, and take any and all medication exactly on time. I am, as my Dad's doctors came to refer to me last time around, "Vlad the Impaler disguised as Susie Homemaker." Because Thursday is my Dad's surgery and afterward while he's in the hospital I will be at his side until they kick me out and when he's home I'll still be by his side until he doesn't need Vlad and I can come back home to my children and husband and be Susie Homemaker again. I won't be able to cry. I won't be able to be scared or worried or emotional or broken. I will have to be nothing that I am right now and everything I am not. I hope to God I can get it together in time.

I'm not sure how long it'll be before I'll be able to post. If I'm staying at my Dad's house I should be able to access my blog from there but if I'm staying at my (step)Mom's house (they're married but live separately.. Yeah it's weird, I'll explain it sometime) she doesn't even have a computer I don't think, in which case you'll be stuck with just posts from Monkey. If that ends up being the case I'll urdge him to delve into the photos I've taken over the last 4 months and post some every couple days or so just so you have some cute to balance out the serious/ranty posts he normally posts *smile*

Until then, everyone take care. And please say a prayer for my dad.