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Where you're either looking for a fix, or just plain bananas

New Digs and a bit of the AFK for me (JJ)

Wednesday, July 26, 2006
written by Java Junkie

So first off, how do you like the new digs? I've been working on it for awhile. I'm still working on other aspects of it (setting up pretty sites for my other two blogs that I'm working on, Big Butt Blogging and the soon to come Java Junkie Unfiltered, actually posting "about" posts, etc.) but I wanted to get this up before I leave town.

Why am I leaving town you might ask? Well a few weeks ago my Dad's PET scan showed what they thought were 3 very small masses in his left lung. Turns out it's one 14mm mass and Thursday they're taking it out. They're not sure if it's benign or malignant but it's probably the later because he's a 5 year survivor of stage 4 lymphatic cancer. He's also a musician and although he's never smoked a cigarette he's played in smokey bars 5 nights a week most of it. All of this sort of explains why I've been a bit anti-social lately.

A few nights ago I wanted to comfort myself so I looked up lung tumor statistics and I was slapped in the face with "never ask a question you don't want the answer to." I found that there's only a 1 - 2% chance that it's benign and even though it was caught early only 10% of lung cancer patients live past 5 years no matter when it's caught. Since then I've been doing a LOT of crying. And praying. And begging. And allowing Blues Clues and Jack's Big Music Show and the like to hypnotize my youngest into a state that allows me to hold him for more than 3 minutes at a time while I kiss his soft pink cheeks and neck and breathe in his wonderful scent just to keep myself grounded in some sort of reality that doesn't hurt.

I hope I got it all out of my system. I hope come Thursday I'm the person my family is expecting me to be. The strong one who takes care of those in my family that are hospitalized. The one that goes head to head with doctors to make sure the "best possible" route has been examined, all other routes have been equally examined and that it is, indeed, the best possible route. The one that makes all the phone calls, all the arrangements, and makes sure you eat what you're suppose to whether you like it or not, drink what you're suppose to whether you want to or not, and take any and all medication exactly on time. I am, as my Dad's doctors came to refer to me last time around, "Vlad the Impaler disguised as Susie Homemaker." Because Thursday is my Dad's surgery and afterward while he's in the hospital I will be at his side until they kick me out and when he's home I'll still be by his side until he doesn't need Vlad and I can come back home to my children and husband and be Susie Homemaker again. I won't be able to cry. I won't be able to be scared or worried or emotional or broken. I will have to be nothing that I am right now and everything I am not. I hope to God I can get it together in time.

I'm not sure how long it'll be before I'll be able to post. If I'm staying at my Dad's house I should be able to access my blog from there but if I'm staying at my (step)Mom's house (they're married but live separately.. Yeah it's weird, I'll explain it sometime) she doesn't even have a computer I don't think, in which case you'll be stuck with just posts from Monkey. If that ends up being the case I'll urdge him to delve into the photos I've taken over the last 4 months and post some every couple days or so just so you have some cute to balance out the serious/ranty posts he normally posts *smile*

Until then, everyone take care. And please say a prayer for my dad.
2:55 AM ::
  • Hang in there and keep "Vlad" at attention and ready to advise. I know you will anyway but sometimes 'medical watchkeepers' need encouragement.

    some crazy old guy

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:42 AM  
  • Oh, I forgot. I love your 'new digs'.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:46 AM  
  • I LOVE the new design! And I absolutely HATE that more yucky stuff is going on with your family! I will be thinking about you and praying for your family!

    By Blogger radioactive girl, at 8:51 AM  
  • My prayers are with you during this very difficult time.

    I *love* the new layout. Very cool. Though, shouldn't there be some evidence of a few drips of coffee spilling out of the mug? Or was that the point - you're such a junkie that you lick the mug clean to get every drop? ;)

    By Anonymous attentive, at 11:35 AM  
  • Actually I'll probably take more coffee/banana photos when I get back home. By the time I loaded the ones from this set onto my machine and went through them (the next day) the bananas were gone. Parker is a mini monkey in that respect and can't get enough of them when we have them. He knows right where we keep them and if he sees them there he'll make little monkey "gimme gimme" noises until we give in hehe.

    We have more now as a matter of fact but they're not picture pretty and last night we put him in his high chair a few minutes before his dinner was cooled down enough to cut up enough to give to him, so I sliced up a banana. Monkey started to say something about ruining his dinner and then realized that a banana was just as, if not healthier than what we were eating for dinner and we giggled.

    blah - I ramble.

    Ty for the e-mail Attentive, and the prayers. I think I might steal some of it for a pre-op prayer for myself and my dad if that's ok with you.

    By Blogger Java Junkie, at 12:00 PM  
  • No need to steal, there are plenty to cover all of it. The note came today but the prayers have been coming for weeks.

    By Anonymous attentive, at 2:16 PM  
  • Wow...everything looks great. I'm envious of blogs that move away from the "cartoon-y" look to something a bit more regal.

    Hang in there.

    By Blogger TaterTot, at 3:16 PM  
  • Oh, honey! I am so sorry you have MORE to deal with right now - so not what you need. I know you'll manage it - we do what we need to and just get through it when the chips are down. I know you're a strong one - that's exactly why people expect it. I hope you get some time to absorb and deal afterwards though - I'm learning how good that is. Please accept my best wishes and a few webhugs flung your way.

    (btw lovely new look, even though I feel like it's the wrong time to mention something so lightweight!)

    By Blogger kittenpie, at 4:33 PM  
  • Please call me to let me know how you and your Dad are doing... I'll be praying for you both..Love Mom

    By Anonymous Mom, at 8:29 PM  
  • I have a couple of mugs laying around the office with some dried up rings of coffee in the bottom that would be perfect ;-)

    By Blogger nmariluna, at 9:29 AM  
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