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About | Our Addictions | the Monkey House | JJ's Special Blend
Where you're either looking for a fix, or just plain bananas

A VERY good cup of coffee

Wednesday, August 30, 2006
written by Java Junkie

I woke up a week ago Monday morning to an angel from heaven quacking like a duck and choo choo choooing in my ear. I smiled to myself and closed my eyes, drinking in the sweetness of echos drifting over the baby monitor as Parker played in his crib. It replenished me much in the way it must feel to have a big glass of juice after being in the dessert for a long long time.

I still didn't quite feel myself exactly but to be honest I don't think I'll ever be the person that I was before all of this. The one thing this has really brought home to me is that you need to have the relationship you WANT to have with a person on the last day of their/your life because there are no guarantees and any day could be anyone's last. Don't let one single person in your life leave this world with you saying "I wish I would have seen/called/talked to them more" because there's never a way to take away that regret. Fill your life with your loved ones, near and far. Pick up a pen and a piece of paper and write far away Aunts and Uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews. Hold them as close to you as you can NOW. Life and love and family are far too precious to squander spending the days watching reality TV shows instead of making that phone call to that Nana you don't talk to nearly as often as you should.

As the week went on I caught a bit of a cold and a tummy bug but nothing serious at all, and slowly I started to feel more and more like I could feel the sunshine on my shoulders. Like I could breathe deep the cool morning breeze while I sip my morning coffee. I took advantage of the blankness in my mental space that had been filled with worry, grief and indignant righteousness and got done some of the things that have gone neglected far too long and planned yet other things. I'm also thinking of joining Monkey as a part-time student come spring because as much as I love photography, I haven't taken a class in it since high school and there really is SO much for me to learn. I'm not sure if I'd ever make a career out of it (although I'd like to) but I do feel if I have the opportunity and can at least muster enough energy for 6 - 8 hours a week to devote to something I love and didn't then I wouldn't be the person that I have always been. I wouldn't be the person devoted to self improvement and education and expanding horizons that I've always thought I was and taught my son to be. I would be the worst kind of hypocrite. I would be the kind that blames their downfalls on a few bumps in the road instead of standing up, dusting myself off, and walking toward that expanding horizon.

I feel like my life is changing before my eyes and I'm watching with baited breath waiting to see what will happen next, but in a good way. So much of me, my life, myself was tied up with my mother, her illness, our battles to to address her problems and the energy all of that just drained from me. Now that she is gone and I have said my goodbye to her I feel like I can finally move on with my life and now I have no idea where that will lead. To some that might be frightening. I could be paralyzed with fear not knowing where to go or what to do. But I think in my heart I know that it's opportunity. I may be a little older than most just starting their life but now I get to choose where it leads to. As I sit here drinking a VERY good cup of coffee.




Thank you to all of you for your support. Through posts here, emails and even phone calls I didn't quite feel so alone and you'll never know (I hope) just how much that means.
9:51 PM ::
10 Comments:
  • Awww, Sissy, what a well-written post. I LOVE that you are thinking about taking a photography class and I HOPE you really do! Then you can come here and teach me :)

    And I love that photo of you, especially the scarf in your hair. But *sniff*, I STILL don't have a coffeemaker! I've been running to QD every morning to get their icky coffee, which I drown in creamer and sugar so I don't really taste it. I need the Coffeemaker Fairy to come!

    P.S. the new blog is ready at http://table4five.net.

    By Anonymous Elizabeth, at 12:24 AM  
  • "especially the scarf in your hair."

    It was Grandma's :) I wore one of her hats yesterday to my doctor's appointment. I think I'll be making a post soon about the hats :)

    As my name indicates, I have done excessive research on coffee makers, coffee beans, coffee grounds, and well just all things coffee. If you'd like, I'd be more than happy to recommend some good makers for ya. :)

    By Blogger Java Junkie, at 12:07 PM  
  • Oh and thank you :) I had been writing it on and off for a couple days (mostly off, getting stuff done around here is hard work! :) ) But what you see is a first draft, not even proof read because I didn't want to worry anyone any longer than I already had so I'm glad it's fairly error free :)

    By Blogger Java Junkie, at 12:09 PM  
  • It is nice to hear some hope, some forward thinking. Sorry I haven't been in touch better. I just read this post now, as I have only been checking my RSS feed and it just came up this morning. Stupid yahoo. Anyway I love you Sis!

    By Blogger nmariluna, at 7:52 AM  
  • Good indeed.

    By Blogger TaterTot, at 10:50 AM  
  • I've been thinking of you.

    By Anonymous mamatulip, at 5:18 PM  
  • It sounds like things are going to start looking up for you! I am so happy because you deserve good things now, after all you have been through!

    By Blogger radioactive girl, at 11:18 AM  
  • I love your site. Everything about it is beautiful and thought out. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.

    By Blogger Merry Mama, at 11:54 AM  
  • Glad to hear things are looking a bit better :)

    Pros

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:21 PM  
  • I'm glad to hear you have felt like you've had some support. God knows you'd need it through all that. You look reflective, pensive here. I can well imagine you would be feeling that way. What a nice image. (and I love that you have a black cat like my Henry!)

    By Blogger kittenpie, at 7:43 PM  
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