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Not my mother

Sunday, May 14, 2006
written by Java Junkie

On almost every blog in my favorites folder there's a post regarding Mother's Day. Some have wonderful mothers and pay tribute to them, some celebrate the other mothers they know through blogging, some give thanks for being blessed with children. Now that I have the chance to breath, today, for my Mother's Day blog post, I'm going to write about two women who have shown me love and support and comfort and acceptance, encouragement and courage. Two women who are not my mother. They are my sister and my sister-in-law.

Some twentyish years ago I saw my sister for the last time that I've seen her. Forces were what they were, history was what it was, and we were torn apart. I heard from her years later through a letter once shortly after I had my first son but I was so intimidated by the fact that she was attending college and I had not I foolishly ran away from the opportunity to get to know her better then. Thank God she never held that against me.

Nikki came back into my life through this very medium - on the blog I had immediately proceeding this one, As Crazy As it Sounds. She left a message on a post regarding a Self Portrait Tuesday image and story I had posted and I didn't even have any idea that it was her. I read the reply, found it very interesting and got side tracked with a few life changes before I could answer. A few days later my Tover and I were talking on the phone and he told me she had left a comment. My life, and who I am, have been forever changed since.

The more I get to know her the more of a kindred spirit she feels to me. I mean let's face it, 20ish years is a long time to create a whole different person. She could have ended up a Mennonite or an undercover spy and we would have exactly zero in common. Or I could have. But neither of us did and here we are, decades later, finding all of the things we DO have in common while finding enough that we don't have in common to crave getting to know each other more. At least I am.

If you're not a spiritual person than you should probably skip the next paragraph. If you don't, then just know you've been warned. But I truly believe God brought her into my life again right now. She has been the soft hand on my shoulder, tenderly saying "I am here for you" during one of the hardest six month periods of my life. She has been the gentle soul that cares enough to be there, despite her own tribulations, and loves enough to understand when I'm feeling a bit withdrawn from the world. She's corny (her words) enough to make me laugh and silly enough to get my jokes. She's just as weird as I am and I love her in all her glorious wonder and amazing light. She knows what a chocolate pie day is and she says words like "swoon" in every day use. I love her, every bit of her, and I am thankful that I now have had a second chance at getting to know her. She's a mother, a friend, a beauty, a free spirit, a caring hug, and most importantly, she's my sister. I am truly blessed to be able to call her that.

Oddly enough not long after I last saw my real sister I met the woman that would become my sister-in-law. I have to admit I didn't get to know her well at first. She was raised very differently than I was and being young and prone to the selfishness that the young are prone to, I sort of just let her and my Tover go about their lives together while I went about mine.

I got to know her a bit better when my first son was born. Strong and smart, candid yet caring, I "got" who she was right away. Or at least I think I did. I've never seen her cry yet have no doubt that she can, I've never heard her scream but have no doubt that it'd be intimidating, I've never seen her break down though I know she's gone through some pretty damned scary and emotionally hard times. She's the kind of woman that makes you want to BE a better, stronger woman. She's a pint sized powerhouse and my Tover is lucky to have her.

Through the years life has brought us together. I was actually her back-up coach for her first son and had she not been whisked away for an unscheduled C-section I'm sure I would have ended up being the ONLY coach since my brother almost passed out just from them giving her an epidural. She held my hand while I was on the phone with my first husband trying to get him to tell me where he had stolen my child off to when I told him I wanted a divorce and she was my sanity when I almost went insane from boredom when I was ordered to bed rest for the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy for my second son. She's also my "go to" lady when I want to know about a new product on the market, especially anything made by Swiffer ;)

When I have new and exciting news, it's her I call, it's her I share it with. When I want an honest opinion, it's her I call, it's her that I ask. When it's a fighter in my corner that I'm looking for, it's her I know I can depend on. When it's a name someone's looking for when they ask who my best friend is, it's hers that comes from my mouth. She's her own person, like her or leave her, and she's EXACTLY the way I love her.

So to both of my sisters, I love you. Happy Mother's Day.

As for my own Mother's Day - I got THE BEST present in the entire history of the world. My 17 month old baby said his first "real" word today - meaning he said his first word and knew what it meant and wasn't just imitating. He said "Mama."
10:44 PM ::
  • wiping a tear...
    love you, cc

    By Blogger nmariluna, at 8:14 AM  
  • I'm doin what niki did and I'm not even mentioned.

    By Blogger sweet rose, at 1:22 PM  
  • Awwwww...that is the best Mother's Day present.

    By Blogger mama_tulip, at 3:44 PM  
  • CC - Love you too, hope you know how much.

    Rose - Are you sure you have the correct email address for me? Because I'm not getting any at all and if you're sending them like Niki then I should be getting them every day from ya.. Stan has the correct one, though, I know, so you could get it from him if ya need it.

    Mama T - Isn't it?! I think I'll be beaming from that for a long while to come. That was a better present than jewelry in a bubble bath while being given a shoulder massage while eating sushi and drinking some awesome vino. BTW we got Parker a Fridge Phonic on Saturday and I think we're already going to have to get another one because he keeps throwing the letters in the garbage (he likes to put things IN other things) and we seem to be missing 2 already rofl.

    By Blogger Java Junkie, at 5:04 PM  
  • After I miscarried my first daughter, I wondered what the word "mother" actually meant. In other words, what makes one a mother? I think in the process of healing, I discovered that mother = nurturer and that means you can be a mother without actually having a child. I find my "mothers" in my friends, my aunts, my in-laws. I think the idea of Mother's Day needs to be expanded.

    By Anonymous Kristina, at 5:36 PM  
  • *hug* Kristina

    I totally agree. How ya hanging in there at home? How's Mya doing?

    By Blogger Java Junkie, at 11:02 AM  
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